


You're Not A Problem

by Animerulzs1267



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Depression, Love, M/M, Romance, Sadness, Tears, happiness, spamano - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 02:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2332316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animerulzs1267/pseuds/Animerulzs1267
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lovino Vargas watched his lover next to him sleeping soundly in his bed as the night grew into midnight. His expression upon him was unreadable but he felt one thing in particular: downheartedness. Lovino thought about it multiple of times about leaving Antonio, just for his sake. If you didn't understand it was because Lovino, despite not wanting to admit his dilemmas to anyone, felt as though he was a problem. All his life he knew his existence mattered to no one whilst the people who he thought cared and loved him no matter how cold he seemed all felt the same thing. And that was that he was a problem to those who knew him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Not A Problem

Lovino Vargas watched his lover next to him sleeping soundly in his bed as the night grew into midnight. His expression upon him was unreadable but he felt one thing in particular: downheartedness. Lovino thought about it multiple of times about leaving Antonio, just for his sake. If you didn't understand it was because Lovino, despite not wanting to admit his dilemmas to anyone, felt as though he was a problem. All his life he knew his existence mattered to no one whilst the people who he thought cared and loved him no matter how cold he seemed all felt the same thing. And that was that he was a problem to those who knew him.

Lovino couldn't deceit himself with encouragements or think he was good. It was already done, and nothing could alternate himself into an exceeding person. Feliciano, however, was favorable amidst the two. He often paired himself with Feliciano and counted all the things he was great at than Lovino was. From being good at chores to even painting, it was meaningless discover a good fact about him.

Despite Lovino, his hand reached softly over to Antonio's delicate brunet hair. Curling the strands of hair gently as possible on his fingertips Lovino was flabbergasted of its softness. Lovino's eyes were weary from the lack of sleep and felt dark bags under his eyes. Maybe he should sleep now...

Just then, Lovino heard murmured words escaping Antonio's slightly parted lips. Shit, what if he woke up? Lovino tried quietly to get under the covers and veiled himself in the blanks. In spite of being unuttered he woke his lover Antonio. How pathetic can you be, waking your lover? Lovino found another thing terrible about himself.

"Ah, Lovi?" Lovino felt his throat tighten from Antonio's voice. "What's wrong?" he asked sleepily.

"It's nothing," he grumbled silently, "just go to sleep already."

Antonio's eyes opened leisurely, viewing Lovino tiredly. "Are you sure?" he asked.

Lovino didn't want to stare into Antonio's eyes. Every time he saw his eyes they entranced him with all the love and lust and wish for him. Although Lovino had him he felt like he didn't deserve such a kind person. Feliciano and Antonio would make a great couple for sure, he thought as he stared blankly into Antonio. Lovino felt like crying after saying that in his mind, he shifted himself around and focused at the dark corner of the bedroom.

"Lovi, what's wrong?" Antonio persisted in asking; he got up and tried to lean in.

"Just go to sleep," Lovino groaned as he dug in his covers. God, the air was cold tonight.

"Lovi...please talk to me."

Afterword only silence was heard. It was so quiet if you dropped a pin there wouldn't be anything else heard. Lovino wanted to go to sleep but Antonio was making it hard on him, that damn bastard. But then it got Lovino thinking: what if he told him a about his problems? If he got things off his chest maybe things would be resolved and they could go to sleep. However telling Antonio about his problems felt like a burden he didn't want him to deal with. He already gave Antonio enough trouble so what was the point in bringing him down?

"Lovi, you know you can talk to me, right?"

Lovino doubted himself, "What if I drag you down?"

"You can't," he said. "I'm dragged down with you already. Lovi, we're tied into our relationship and couples should always talk to each other!" Lovino could feel his smile despite his eyes shut from everything.

"Even if I'm a problem?" Lovino asked. He wished he didn't say those words but they were the uncanny truth in his mind.

"What are you talking about? You're not a problem."

Lovino got himself up and, sitting on his bed he looked to Antonio and explained. "Antonio, how stupid can you be? I'm obviously a problem. Whenever I seem to help someone out, I just fuck it all up and I'm to blame. It'll be like 'Hey, just blame it on Lovino!' and everyone's against me right the very second someone brave enough says that shit in front of me."

Antonio got up and looked baffled. "What are you saying? You're talking as though you are a problem."

"No shit, I am a problem," he said bitterly to Antonio. Or was he talking to himself? "I'm just a piece of crap in someone's way. Like you. You wanted me over Feliciano even though I told you many times you could have him. Why the hell did you pick someone as stupid and problematic as me than someone perfect and obedient?"

"Lovino, how can you say that to yourself?" Antonio cried, feeling disbelief and horror of Lovino's words.

"BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!" Lovino screamed and grabbed his legs close into a hug.

Lovino made yet another mistake: telling someone about his problems. God, he felt like an idiot for doing that. Why does he have to bring someone into his mess? Lovino repeated in his head the same words he always said to himself: how stupid are you? 

"It's not true, Lovi!" declared Antonio, shocking Lovino into looking at him. Lovino saw the face of a serious boss-it was totally unlike him to not smile or at all look stern as he was.

Noticing Lovino's stunned expression, Antonio soften his and said fastidiously, "Don't you hear yourself when you say those things to yourself? You're insulting your own self and it's terrible. Even though those words you spit out are for you, I feel like they're spat out at me-"

"That's because I'm talking to you-" Lovino widen his eyes and shut himself up, cursing mentally for disturbing Antonio's words. Was his voice always strong and compelling? What happened to the goof-ball bastard Lovino remembered?

Antonio cleared his throat, feeling awkward, "As I was saying, you should know that they sound insulting to me, too. You should love yourself more. We're not all perfect. Just because Feliciano is better at some things, you have some good qualities." Lovino stared at him as if he wanted him to say one thing. So Antonio said them out: "You're really a great man, you work hard no matter what. You make good pasta, and you're the only guy I know who can blush like a cute tomato."

Lovino stared on, abashed of those useless traits he had. "Are you serious? How are they gonna be helpful in life?"

"When I get hungry, you make food," he said. "When you have work, you finish it in a day. It takes Feli a longer time to finish stuff. Why do you think Ludwig gets on him all the time for not writing his report on time?" Lovino chuckled at the memory of Ludwig chasing the younger Italian around the conference.

Lovino stopped hugging himself and sat there, chuckling. "Huh, I forgot about that one time," Lovino said, reminiscing it like a movie.

"Also, a lot of people don't really see the person you are inside," Antonio admits truthfully, reaching his hand to Lovino's. He would usually swipe it off but this time let it cover his hand. "It took me a while for you to open up-"

"Yeah, like, a whole year."

Antonio smiled sweetly, "But I got to see the person you rarely show to others. It's kind of...cute, you know? You show me that sweet lovable side to me and no one else. I might be greedy but I want all of you!"

"That really was greedy, bastard," joked Lovino who, without warning, took whole of Antonio's holding hand. Their fingers intertwined and his fingers alone, Lovino thought, were warmer than the Spanish sun.

"I know, but," he shrugged and placed a head on Lovino's shoulder, "it's the truth."

Lovino found himself smiling despite himself from both depression for his self-confidence and feeling sad before. Nonetheless Lovino felt good now that he was talking with Antonio. But Lovino had to ask something, something that might be his greatest end or beginning.

"Hey, Antonio?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you still love me despite who I am?" Lovino was ready for his answer.

There was a slight pause, but he replied, "I'll love you no matter who you are or what you are. I love you too much to ever think that. No matter how mean you are, I'll still say those three words." Antonio began to place traces of wet kisses on Lovino's neck.

If Lovino could he would push Antonio down and get down to business but his eyes were overflowing with silent tears of joy. Lovino could feel the love Antonio was giving him and if he didn't speak his problems before, he would have thought they were meaningless words. But no, they were not. They came from Antonio's lips, his voice, his thoughts and his mind. His words always seem to win him over his negative point of view. Why was he so good at that? Lovino drew his tears back and, taking Antonio's chin up, kissed him on the lips.

Lovino felt grateful he had Antonio to be with as they kissed in their shared bed, feeling nothing more than happiness he had someone to confide and love.

"Lovi?" 

"Si?" 

Antonio looked at his lover, cupped his cheek in his warm hand and said, "You're not a problem." And he smiled, and not that smile to reassure someone when all hope was lost, but it was the honesty of his smile and words that made Lovino fall more deeply in love with him.


End file.
